you can smell the casino before you enter
there are fire trucks parked outside
the hotel is hosting this year's Alcatraz reunion
the CW's are sporting 50's style perms and support hose
the name of the hotel includes the word Palace
people are running out of the casino with handkerchiefs covering their faces
there is an extra charge if you want a room without bed bugs
the parking valet's nickname is "cowboy"
there are people entering the casino wearing ski masks
as you enter, a person inquires if you will be in town tomorrow
a woman lingering near the doorway asks if you want to have a good time
the check-in clerk is behind bars and brandishing a Colt 45
you try the $20 trick and are offered a room at a different hotel
your bathroom is located "down the hall"
your room is on the 28th floor and the hotel elevators have been down since last Tuesday
there is a plaque outside your room commemorating the stay of someone named Bugsy
beds and bedding are scheduled to be replaced on the day you check-out
garbage trucks arrive at 5AM to unload
the casino's roof leaks and it isn't raining
there are more babies than babes at the pool
you are unable to walk from point A to point B in the casino without tripping over a cane or walker
in place of music, the PA system broadcasts B-7, O-73, N-32
the felt on the craps table is the color of cigarette ash
the sport book features twin 36" black and white TVs
the roulette wheel has 0, 00 and 000
the video poker machines are coin droppers with wins over $100 requiring a hand pay
the slot club desk is staffed by Vinnie Favorito wannabes
the casino carpet design is obscured by dirt
there is an announcement that the lady at machine number 457 just hit for $12.57
you are 86'd from the casino after hitting 5 of 6 numbers on a 5c video keno machine
there's someone sitting at the bar oozing blood
the ladies bathroom was last cleaned the previous Wednesday
the buffet costs less than the change in your pocket
the specialty night at the buffet is Spam Night
the name of the steakhouse is Gristle
the coffee shop sells deep fried Twinkies
the hotel's gourmet room is Roberto's Taco Shop
the Chinese restaurant is named Meow
Montezuma's Revenge is the Mexican eatery
the health inspectors close the Italian restaurant as you are finishing your tiramisu
the showroom is named Steve Wyrick Theater II
the casino headliner is Wayne Newton
GregRio recommends seats facing away from the stage
the individual staffing the ticket booth is the star of the show
there is an in-house bails bondsman and pawnbroker
the resort fee covers such amenities as bandages, bondage and disinfectant