vpFREE2 Forums

XVP: You Better Know the Rules in White Sulphur Springs

Delia walked into the Liberty Bar and ordered a Crown Blaster. She was looking for River Johnny. She stood up on the bar rail and looked over the heads back to the poker game. "There that @#%^%##^@#^ is" she said out loud. Delia was from Salem, Oregon but lived in Lolo. She was mid-forties, drop dead gorgeous, and an ex-stripper that thumped the Bible. Which means she was an expert at pounding a man for his money while quoting Bible scripture....she was also a compulsive gambler.

Tom the bartender went back to the poker game to see if anyone wanted a drink. "Hey, Johnny! You're squeeze is here" Tom said as he was grabbing some empties. Johnny glanced over at the bar. "That @#%%%#^#$%%# is back" Johnny was a natural born card player from Bossier City, Louisiana. Played every game well. He played everywhere at one time or anoter. Nevada, the mountain states, the west coast, the midwest, everywhere. But he called Montana home, big sky, wide open spaces. Johnny played cards for a living.

The people at the bar knew Delia and Johnny well. They had been watching their on and off love/hate fireworks of a relationship for a couple years. So their heads were going back and forth between Delia at the bar and Johnny back in the poker game to see which one would make the first move.

Johnny showed first weakness. He killed his Bud. "Well, boys I gotta go to the little boys room." Jim the poker dealer smiled knowing full well that Johnny wouldn't be back for the night. Johnny walked up the bar towards the restroom. He stopped at the door and looked at Delia. She stared back. They stared each other down for a full minute. Finally, Johnny said "Come here, girl, and give me a hug and a kiss." She obliged. "Game on!" Tom the bartender whispered to the barflies. They all smiled. "I'll meet you at the bar in a minute, Delia" said Johnny.

Back from the restroom Johnny put his arm around Delia.

"How are you're boys doing?" he asked.
"Ben joined the Army. He's in Texas. Brad's working at Smurfit-Stone making boxes."
"What have you been doing lately?"
"I went to the biker rally in Phillipsburg a couple weeks ago. Last week I went to a revival in Hamilton. How have you been doing?"
"Oh, I'm always okay, Delia."

Johnny couldn't help himself. He bent down and put a liplock on her. Jim the poker dealer pulled Johnny's chips down. Tom the bartender delivered Johnny's money to him. "I'm gettin' tired of watchin' you two swap spit. Get a room!" Tom said. Per the usual Delia and Johnny wound up upstairs in Johnny's room.

to be continued....

The next day they were at the bar having bloody mary's.
"Sweetheart, are you gonna come home with me?" she asked.
"Well, I guess I can. If you think we can get along this time."

Johnny thought for a moment.

"Hey, I've got an idea. Have you ever been to Ringling?"
"Ringling? Where's that?"
"Ringling, Montana. Jimmy Buffet wrote a song about the town."
"Jimmy Buffet lives in Florida or someplace."
"Yeah, but he spent time here. He's gotta sister got a big ranch in the Musselshell. Instead of going down through Helena we can go out east on 87 then turn south on 89. We can go down through White Sulphur Springs and Ringling then come out on the Interstate near Livingston. Then it's a straight shot to Missouala. I't be a nice little sightseeing trip, honey."
"Okay, let' do it." she said

Johnny went up to his room, grabbed his few changes of clothes and toiletries, stuffed them in his backpack, then dropped the keys off at the hotel desk.

"You've still got a week left, Johnny' Dave the Manager said.
"Forget it, Dave. I'm outta here." Delia was waiting in her van and they took off.

They were speeding along.

"So what's up with Ringling?" she asked
"It's just a little hole in the wall town of about 40 people. They got a claptrap old bar there. They got this huge mountain of empty beer cans outside the bar. There's this old abandoned church, windows all knocked out and everything. Buffet put all that stuff in his song. At least that's how it was. I ain't been there in 25 years."
"They got a poker table there?"
Uh, oh, Johnny thought. She's starting already "No" he said.

to be continued....

There was a long pause as they passed the welcome sign for White Sulphur Springs. It was getting on to sundown.
"How 'bout this town?"
"How 'bout this town, what?"
"Do they have a poker table?"
"No."
As they passed the Cattlemen's Club she saw the sign in the window that said POKER. Johnny saw it too. She pulled to the side of he road. Damn, Johnny thought.

"Delia, I ain't puttin' you in any poker games anymore!"
"C'mon, honey?"
"No!"
"If you cared about me you would."
"Delia, poker is a business. It's not about havin' fun and burning chips."
"I wanna play some poker!"
"You don't know how to play poker! I coach, coach, coach you and what do you do? You sit down and play every stinkin' hand. You're the Will Rogers of poker, girl. You never seen a hand you didn't like."
"I want to play some poker!" she said in a very stern voice.
"No! Delia I make about $30 an hour beating these dumass Montanans out of their stew. You burn off $100 an hour at the game. The math don't work, sweetheart. I ain't puttin' you in!"
"Get out!"
"What?"
"GET THE HELL OUT!!!" screamed.

Johnny grabbed his backpack, opened the door and stepped out.

"I ain't taking no phone calls, emails or texts! And don't come back to Great Falls!" He slammed the door. Delia hit the gas pedal and spun gravel all over him. The last he saw she was delivering him some sign language from out the driver's side window.

to be continued....

He looked across the street to the Bigfott Motel. Vacancy sign flashing. "That @#%#@@$&^$## always costs me money!? he mumbled to himself. "I guess I'll have to spend the night here and get the Great Falls Cab to come and get me tomorrow. He looked back at the Cattlemen's Club. "I'll just have to make these White Sulphur hillbillies pay for everything."

He checked into the motel then walked over to the Club. The poker table was on the right as he walked in. No game. Johnny ordered a Bud then asked the bartender what time the poker game started.

"Well, it's been slow lately. But you're here so let me make some phone calls." Johnny sipped his beer while the bartender was on the phone. The bartender came back over and said "Nobody seems to interested tonight. My names Joe, what's yours?"

"Johnny" they shook hands but the bartender looked at him inquisitively. There was a pregnant pause then then Joe asked "Are you River Johnny?"
"Nice guess, that's what some people call me."
"They say you're damn good, Johnny."
"I don okay."

Joe went back to the phone. After a little while he came back over and said "They'll be some folks here shortly."
"What do you guys play here?"
"Lowball"
"California Lowball?"
"Yep."

California Lowball is a five card draw game. You're dealt five cards and there is a betting round. Then you can draw up to five cards and there is one more betting round. The lowest hand wins the pot. The lowest possible hand is Ace-two-three-four-five. It's called a "Bicycle" or a "wheel."

Fred, the Chief of Police showed up, along with Carl the town barber and Glen who owned the feed store. A couple of cowboys drifted in. They called the dealer Hooker Bob. Johnny got introduce all around and the game was on.

"This is California Lowball. 4 and 8 betting" Bob said.
"Damn, boys!" the Chief of Police said. "We get to play poker with River Johnny! Heard all about ya Johnny. They say you're tough."
"I do okay" Johnny said but the whole time thinking to himself these clowns are fixin' to find out how good I am.

to be continued

Johnny had bought in for a hundred and was steadily chipping up. His chip count was up to $160 when he got into it with Glen. Glen open raised from early position. Johnny looked down at 4 wheel cards and a paint. He's got a good hand Johnny thought but three bet the pot. Glen called. They each drew one card. Johnny caught the 3 making the wheel. Glen bet. Johnny raised. Glen reraised.

"How many raises here, dealer?" Johnny asked.
"Well, here we play unlimited raises if it's head up.

Well, I got no reason to quit raising here Johnny thought. The best he can do is tie me. But if I catch him with a sixty four I'm gonna get to spend his money. They kept raising each other until Johnny's whole stack was in the pot.

"I got a wheel" Johnny said as he rolled his hand over.
"I got a blizzard" Glen said while rolling over his hand.

Johnny looked at Glen's hand and started laughing. It was all face cards. The worst hand in the game. Hooker Bob started shoving the pot to Glen.

"Hey, stop!" Johnny demanded. "What the hell are you doing?"
"He's got a blizzard, Johnny" Bob smiled wryly.
"What the hell's a blizzard?"
"All face cards."
"That's the worst hand in the game!"
Bob pointed at the wall. "Read the rules, Johnny, rule 13."

Johnny looked up at the wall but the house rules were written so small he couldn't read them from the table. He got up, went to the wall and scanned down to rule 13. It said "A Blizzard Automatically Wins."

"I guess I know why you guys call that hand a blizzard" Johnny said as he sat back down. "All paint is the coldest hand in the deck." Johnny pulled out another hundred. He went back to plodding along steadily chipping up to $180. He had almost all his money back. Won't be long he thought.

Carl open raised and Johnny looked down at a pair of Kings, a pair of Queens and an 8. "Alright" he said to himself. "I got the blizzard draw!" He three bet the pot. Carl called. They each drew one card. Johnny caught a jack to make the blizzard. Carl bet. Johnny raised. Carl reraised. I hope that idiot has a wheel Johnny thought. They kept raising each other until Johnny's whole stack was in the pot.

"I got a sixty four" Carl said rolling over his hand.
"I got a blizzard!" Johnny said.

Hooker Bob started pushing the pot to Carl.

"Hey, Hold it!" Johnny screamed. "What the hell!?"

Hooker Bob pointed at the wall. "Read the rules, Johnny, rule 21."

Johnny went to the wall and scanned down to rule 21. It said "Only One Blizzard A Night."

"Damn hustlers!!" Johnny said to himself. "That @#$%^@#$%@#$ girl always costs me money!!!" His cell phone beeped. It was a text. He opened it up and it said "Having a blast in Ringling."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHDqzXYvE2k

mickeycrimm, I hope you enjoy writing this stuff as much as I enjoy reading it. Good stuff, keep 'em coming.

SH
Merry Christmas Everyone

···

--- On Fri, 12/24/10, Mickey <mickeycrimm@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Mickey <mickeycrimm@yahoo.com>
Subject: [vpFREE] Re: XVP: You Better Know the Rules in White Sulphur Springs
To: vpFREE@yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, December 24, 2010, 5:32 PM

He looked across the street to the Bigfott Motel. Vacancy sign flashing. "That @#%#@@$&^$## always costs me money!? he mumbled to himself. "I guess I'll have to spend the night here and get the Great Falls Cab to come and get me tomorrow. He looked back at the Cattlemen's Club. "I'll just have to make these White Sulphur hillbillies pay for everything."

He checked into the motel then walked over to the Club. The poker table was on the right as he walked in. No game. Johnny ordered a Bud then asked the bartender what time the poker game started.

"Well, it's been slow lately. But you're here so let me make some phone calls." Johnny sipped his beer while the bartender was on the phone. The bartender came back over and said "Nobody seems to interested tonight. My names Joe, what's yours?"

"Johnny" they shook hands but the bartender looked at him inquisitively. There was a pregnant pause then then Joe asked "Are you River Johnny?"
"Nice guess, that's what some people call me."
"They say you're damn good, Johnny."
"I don okay."

Joe went back to the phone. After a little while he came back over and said "They'll be some folks here shortly."
"What do you guys play here?"
"Lowball"
"California Lowball?"
"Yep."

California Lowball is a five card draw game. You're dealt five cards and there is a betting round. Then you can draw up to five cards and there is one more betting round. The lowest hand wins the pot. The lowest possible hand is Ace-two-three-four-five. It's called a "Bicycle" or a "wheel."

Fred, the Chief of Police showed up, along with Carl the town barber and Glen who owned the feed store. A couple of cowboys drifted in. They called the dealer Hooker Bob. Johnny got introduce all around and the game was on.

"This is California Lowball. 4 and 8 betting" Bob said.
"Damn, boys!" the Chief of Police said. "We get to play poker with River Johnny! Heard all about ya Johnny. They say you're tough."
"I do okay" Johnny said but the whole time thinking to himself these clowns are fixin' to find out how good I am.

to be continued

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Did you make this up? I live in Salem, Oregon and walking distance to the Liberty Bar! Seriously!

Kurt

···

--- In vpFREE@yahoogroups.com, "Mickey" <mickeycrimm@...> wrote:

Delia walked into the Liberty Bar and ordered a Crown Blaster. She was looking for River Johnny. She stood up on the bar rail and looked over the heads back to the poker game. "There that @#%^%##^@#^ is" she said out loud. Delia was from Salem, Oregon but lived in Lolo.<

That is quite a coincidence. You Better Know The Rules is a fictitious account of real life circumstances I've run into. The girl I used as the prototype for Delia has a similar sounding name. She is actually from Eugene, Oregon.

···

--- In vpFREE@yahoogroups.com, "kingofkurtopia" <kingofkurtopia@...> wrote:

Did you make this up? I live in Salem, Oregon and walking distance to the Liberty Bar! Seriously!

Kurt