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VP AND ME HAVE A VP DAY
"The only thing you have to fear in a casino...is just about
everything!"
--VP Pappy
Yesterday, Thursday, I left work at 10:30 and headed down I-75
once again to challenge "da casinos." Windsor Casino was my first
stop. After paying the $3.50 tunnel toll and waiting for about ten
minutes for a construction crew to finish some work in the tunnel
and answering the usual questions on the Canadian side, I proceeded
to the casino.
I noticed that the new addition to the place seemed to be right
on schedule and I asked one of the guards at the entrance how things
were going. He said he didn't know anything about it. " I read
that it was going to be an auditorium for concerts and show Las
Vegas-type entertainment," I said. "I don't know anything about
that. They don't tell us much about what goes on around here,"
he replied. "Surely you must have heard something about their plans
for the place. Haven't you heard any rumors?" I asked. He said
he had heard nothing and then feel silent. For crying out loud,
what's with all the secrecy? Or maybe apathy? What the hell is
this, a Canadian CIA project?
A guard Joke---Dating Dinosaur Bones
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are
marveling at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur
bones are?"
The guard replies,"They are 70 million, four years, and six
months
old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you
know
their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were 70 million
years
old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years
ago."
I headed for the kiosks to get the $75 that I was told about in
the flyer sent to me last week. When I checked the kiosk, all I saw
was $20 being offered. I checked at the player's club desk and the
woman said I must have made a mistake as she could find no such
offer. Later, when I got home, I check the flyer and saw that the
promo didn't start until January 1st. My mistake! Not the first,
won't be the last! Dah!
I played the free $20 through a dollar Pick'Em machine, lost it
and left. Why stay and play? Except for dollar Pick'Em, there's
nothing left to play here, although they have added another 30 or so
dollar GameMakers that have the full-pay Pick'Em on them which is
good if you can afford to play at that level. But, as I looked
around, they still have all those lousy low-pay vp machines
scattered around the place and there are lots of people playing
them. But what really sickened me was what I saw in the high-roller
room.
I watched a woman play a "$5" Bonus Poker machine that had a 6/5
(one coin full house/flush pay out ) pay scale that paid a measly
96.8%. This casino should be ashamed for conning the uninformed
gambler at this $25 a hand game. I've never seen a vp machine set at
this low a level in a high roller room in all the casinos that I've
visited over the years. On the floor where the peons play, but never
in the kings and queen's room. If I had my way, any video poker
machine found in a high-roller room not paying at least 99% would
be dragged outside and thrown into the Detroit River. Let da fishes
play'em.
"Without resorting to whining, if I may make an intelligent
observation about this game, I would like to say,
Aaaaaaaarrrrggghhhhhhhh!."
--Arnold Snyder
Out the door, through the tunnel under the Detroit River, and
after a 20 minute wait to get back in the States, (they were doing
spot-check car searches for whatever) it was over to MGM.
Let's see...I paid seven dollars in tunnel fees, got $20 Canadian
from the casino, which is probably about $15 American, played for
about five minutes and wasted an hour of my precious gambling time
and life, all for a lousy seven dollars or so. Geez, I could have
made more flipping burgers at Burger King for that hour.
At MGM, I played my $25 free play through the machine, didn't hit
anything, and after checking out the upstairs quarter rip-off
Pick'Em machines to see if they had been changed back to full-pay as
rumored.(they weren't) I left. I did notice that there were a lot
of players playing such great vp games here like a 6/5 DDB game that
pays an pathetic 94%. Yuk! MGM should be ashamed also. I'm heading
over to Greektown to rack up some points on double points day.
"You must occasionally play at a casino that's not your favorite
just to keep your hard-earned comps. Hell hath no fury like a
scorned casino."
--VP Pappy
At Greektown I played quarter Pick'Em for three hours, hit a 600
credit quad, and after my head kept hitting the screen as I nodded
off periodically, cashed out $50 ahead and took a break. I got a
beer and wandered around a while watching people play the games of
their choice.
After a while, I checked out the dollar progressive at the bar
upstairs and saw that it was up to $4600. What the hell, I'll give
it a shot. I put the $150 ticket into the slot, punched the 9/6 JB
symbol and was off.
Up and down went my credits for about a half an hour until I
decided to cash out with a $100 before I lost it. Next I put the
hundred ticket into a dollar Pick'Em machine and after a couple of
hands, hit a full for $90 and took the $180 and walked. So far so
good.
After getting my usual BBQ sandwich and a beer at the snack bar
upstairs, (I love those things) I headed back to play some more
quarter Pick'Em. Although this game can be boring what with it's one-
card decision when played for long periods of time, I play it
because of it's 99.95% payback and the fact that I can play close to
a thousand hands per hour on it, not because of how much I like it
or how much fun it is.
"As bettors gain more understanding,
Their need for luck grow less demanding."
--Sumner A Ingmark (a close friend of Alan Krigman)
Along the way back, I popped a $20 into a "REEL OF FORTUNE!"
machine, hit a Double Diamond symbol and a couple of double bars for
a hundred credits and cashed out $42. Not bad. I doubled my money in
one minute's play. On a slot machine, it's about as good as you can
do.
Back playing Pick'em and trying to stay awake. Eventually
at 7:15 I hit another quad and cashed out for good $200 ahead for
the day. That's it. I'm shot, especially my eyes. If I did this for
a living, I'd be half blind, overweight, and in the Betty Ford
Clinic within a year.
I kept track in my notebook of what big paying hands ( except for
the three-of-kinds which occur about every hands or so) that I got
while I played Pick'Em all day. Her are the totals for about six
hour's play:
RF----0
SF----0
4------2
FH--18
FL---11
ST---28
Dealt 3-of-kind---21
Hit a quad off a dealt 3-of-kind---1
three royal cards played---13 (I took the three royals over a
paying pair, except for the aces as per the correct strategy, four
times, giving up the sure wins to go for the big win)
"Good luck to all, and to all a good night. Ho! Ho! Ho!
Terrence "VP Pappy" Murphy
"A loser is someone who decides he knows enough."
--VP Pappy