In a message dated 6/17/2006 10:01:29 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
vpfae6128305@Cox.net writes:
Q: Can you tell me what are the roads in Las Vegas that
divide street addresses by north, south, east, and west?
The closest anybody has ever come to answering that question was in the RJ a
few years ago.
1. First, it's pronounced LOSS-VAYGUS. It doesn't matter how they say
it in other places.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has it's
own set of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is
get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.
3. All directions start with, "Go down 95...'cause you don't want to
get on the 15."
4. Las Vegas Blvd, Charleston Blvd, and Torrey Pines have no beginning
and no end.
5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street
that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic
drive"
6. The 8:00 am rush hour is from 4:30am to 11:30am. The 5:00pm rush
hour is from 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning and ends sometime late Sunday night.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Las
Vegas. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and
the beginning of the red light create a "pumpkin-orange" hue.
8. For the most part, you can do anything you want, as long as it isn't
in a school zone.
9. If you like being an individual, don't even think of working for a
casino. You'll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town
with your "Gaming Tag" around the collar of your white shirt or clipped
on to your belt loop of your black tuxedo pants. 98% of the people
within a 200 mile radius work for a casino. When someone says "Steve
Wynn," casino employees are trained to face the Strip, hit their knees,
kneel, and say "Praise Steve" three times.
10. Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Blvd.,
Boulder Highway is Fremont Street, Eastern Ave is 25th Street or Civic
Center Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb Blvd., Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are
all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you
question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will
simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
11. Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel"
streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green
Valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway. For laughs ask your
middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it.
12. Rainbow Blvd. has THREE exits from the 95, this just makes giving
driving directions to newbies more entertaining. There is also a Lake
Mead "Drive" and a Lake Mead "Boulevard" and both run east/west but are
30 miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake
Mead and........" Again this is just another way to harass the 5000
newcomers every month.
13. Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home
Depot, a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runways and start
again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the
sights" and meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Avenue
from Rainbow to Nellis.
14. If moisture at hand is determined to be rain, not sweat, all
traffic must immediately cease. Ditto for daylight savings time, girl
applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire 3 lanes over. Do
not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow,
blowing dust, or a 3-day weekend.
15. Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas wash and the City of Las
Vegas are one.
16. The wind blows every day and it is impossible to live in Las Vegas
without some kind of allergy drug.
17. Construction on I-15 and US 95 is a way of life and a permanent
form of entertainment. I-215 will never be completed. Get used to it!
18. Stay away from the corner of Nellis and Las Vegas Blvd. if you do
not like the thought of being in a remake of the movie "Top Gun."
19. And, yes, we all know that man in a teddy and a tiara on Fremont
Street. His name is Leslie and he probably makes more money than you
do.
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