Private email to vpFREE Administrator:
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Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable).
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one
to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy
is: No Pain...Good.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets. Now go have a biscuit........flour comes from
wheat, which is a veggie!
And finally; if swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.